Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Screw you non believers.

The title of this post is called "Screw you non believers" for a reason.  You might be thinking what in the world does that have to do with weight loss, well let me tell you! People have stopped believing I can lose the weight. They've given up on me working out and doing what I said I wanted to for the last years of my life. For example, one of my closest and most cherished friend admitted to me that it is hard to take me seriously with this anymore. He rolls his eyes every time I say something about my working out or something related to being fit. What did I tell him, you ask? I told him this:

"You're one of my closest friends and you have no faith that I can become a better person and that hurts my feelings a little. But I'm going to prove you wrong. I know it's hard but can you please bite your tongue with the negative comments if you can please?"

I understand where he is coming from. He has been in my life and a very dear friend to me for the last five years. He's also been a lover, a boyfriend, and a best friend. All of these things are important to me, and a reason I care deeply and value his opinions. Even when they are harsh, I know he means it to be true and not lie to me. We've worked a lot on our communication and I'm happy for that, but sometimes. Gosh, I wish he could bite his tongue.

I gave up on myself too. I can't lie. Sometimes I feel like I can't do it, or it will never happen. Recently, I was looking at myself in the mirror at my job and I thought, damn I look awful. I don't know if it was because there was a toned girl next to me, or if it was because I finally looked at myself without my rose colored glasses on. You know the ones. The ones that say "I'm beautiful, who cares if I'm fat. Someone will love me."

Truth is, how can they? How can someone else love me if I look at myself and don't even LIKE me. I hate my appearance. It has to change.

Perhaps his negative comments are pushing me in the right direction. Even though I want to be a more positive person, the negative seems to be working better. Seeing those words "I have no hope left for that" really digs in and makes me so mad I want to prove him and MYSELF wrong


Even if it's going to be hard, I won't give up.

I can't.

Honestly, my life depends on it.

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