Tuesday, July 22, 2014

I am a quitter.
I give up easily.
I don't finish goals.

This is the truth. It's been months since I've written on here. It's been months since I steadily worked out because I wanted to change. The truth is, and I've said it before I am afraid of change. Even as it is now, I barely know who I am as a person or what I want to be. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see a person I can love, trust and be happy with. I know this should be the number one reason to change myself, but when I think of the "new" person I could be, I don't even know where that person would come from or what she would be like.

Would she be strong?
Would she be afraid to be seen in a tank top?
Could she feel beautiful naked all the time?
Would she stop and admire herself in the mirror for longer then 10 seconds.
Would she want to be the best version of herself forever?

Or would she too be a sad, depressed girl begging for someone to love her, including herself.

I've always thought of thinness and healthy people as being vain. I guess part of me is afraid I'll end up vain too and become a person that I don't even like, again.

I shouldn't be afraid, and I shouldn't quit but when this is what you feel, it makes it hard to even want to truly try and start. Let alone stick with it.

I don't know how to be thin, and I don't know how to be healthy and happy.

I'm still a lost girl in a big needing to change a lifestyle and be healthier world and it's


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